Hi everybody!

This is the first journal published in 2018, so let me wish you all the best, good health, nice and strong relations with your beloved ones and some luck as well!

I decided to dedicate this year to „self-care“.
I will simply allow myself to spend some money, enjoy some nice new places, zoo trips, maybe even photo gear… I plan to enjoy some concert, some sport events and maybe even some big adventure – my first real wildlife photography expedition!


Now one personal thing – skip it if you want to.
It always helped me to share my feelings, but I understand some people might not be fine with that.


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And as a part of this „caring about my own self“, I had to do one sad thing.
You know, I deeply despise people who are able to cut long-time relationships without looking back. I found disgusting and disconcerting how easy Facebook, Twitter and Instagram era makes this cynical „pals“ management.
Still yesterday I clicked on „remove contact” on Facebook to somehow close one 12 years lasting friendship in my mind.

The better observants might have noticed that I no longer mention joint zoo trips with one of dA members, who was a close friend of mine in real offline life.
It was one of those friendships which are deep, mutually beneficial and pushing both persons to new horizons, if you let me use some cliché
She brought me to DA – I brought her to animal photography.
I remember how we shared ONE crappy camera during our first zoo visits, taking turns when snapping pictures of snow leopards and arctic wolves so much fun!
She supported me when I was a nervous wreck during the last phase of my studies – and I kind of supervised her master thesis, saying that she is good enough to finish the studies, when she wanted to quit.
She kicked me to start losing weight, which surely made my life much better – I listened to her troubles with other friends, supporting her when she was down, fighting at her first job.
It was that kind of friendship when you met family members of your pal – you know what troubles her sister, who treats her father badly, you know how her other friend got fired etc. And she knows the same about your family.
We did not meet in person very often (usually only two times a year) but I remember how we both spent so much time to prepare the best gift for each of such rare meeting to make each other happy.
We both wrote fanfiction stories to please the other one with her own role
I got her support when my beloved granny was dying, she got mine support when her own family member fought with serious illness – luckily with a happy end.

After the last meeting in March 2016, she accused me of being addicted on her, saying she is afraid I would threaten her other friends or even her kids. I was gazing at the EMAIL she sent me just hours after we saw each other with disbelief and even a tiny portion of bewildered amusement, understanding that her accusation could be disproved just by time.
We had no contact ever since.
Nearly 2 years.
Can a person who does not know ANYTHING about the other one be addicted? it is up to you to judge.
But of course anyone can have its own view

I was told that sometime the biggest battles can be won by doing… NOTHING.
And believe me, when you are an active person, who is used to FIGHT to achieve your goals, doing nothing is VERY difficult and VERY exhausting.
I did so, honoring so many years of nice friendship with energy invested into silence.
It did not work in this case

I feel sadness – and I am GRATEFUL for such feeling.
It means I am normal. Because when a friendship that lasted years ends, it is a good and HEALTHY reason to be sad

I don’t want to say that I am quitting it completely and that I would not be willing to listen to her if she approached me somehow. There are still many ways – phone, e-mail, dA note.
But I guess it came time to do something symbolic to take care of myself.
I am not waiting anymore
Just keeping all those wonderful memories – and there are many


*****

Unfortunately what I need to overcome to keep my psychical strength, is a result of the last presidential election I am still too… exhausted and sad to tell more, but expect some really devastated status post


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Have a wonderful day, everybody!

Wox.

*****


Now there is time for a bird feature I promised before X-Mas!

I love birdies! I love them more and more and more